Following the above two tips will - if anything can - turn your world around.

Is it necessary to figure out how to distinguish difficult people from diligent, tenacious, inquisitive, strong-willed, or hard-working individuals?  In some cases, the answer is yes.  In others, it is no. In working with individuals in a homeowner association context, it is better to stay away from labels like "difficult", or "disgruntled", because use of labels may lead to biased treatment of the person. Whether you are talking about homeowners, board members, the vendors, or professionals that serve the association, once they get labeled with the terms "difficult", "burned out", or "disgruntled", people might miss the real "message" in the disagreement, and it could be an important one. 

Furthermore, once someone is dubbed with one of these labels, there is often a subconscious resistance to listening, giving them the benefit of the doubt, or treating them consistently with other people.  This is especially true in the context of "demanding" homeowners. And inconsistent treatment of owners can lead to very big issues - in fact, inconsistent treatment of homeowners in the context  of enforcing the rules and regulations of the association is the number 1 cause of lawsuits against associations (as reported by Chubb Insurance Group) triggering D&O - Directors and Officers - liability insurance claims.

However, the reverse can also be true.  If a group of homeowners has a cause, and one or more of the owners in the group has dubbed any or all board members or the association manager to be unreasonably difficult, the other people in the group may believe that, even though they have no personal experience with the director(s) or even if t there is no basis in fact. That may present barriers for the homeowners' group in reaching the board and being "heard".

In the context of treatment of homeowners, by the Board or management, even if they deserve the label "difficult", they must be treated consistently with regard to enforcement of the rules and in honor of the laws and due process considerations with all of the other homeowners. No one should get favors, not even board members. You cannot summarily exclude, fire, or evict a difficult owner in the same manner that you might dismiss an employee or contractor that becomes unpopular or defiant or evict a tenant. You cannot recall a homeowner as might be the case for a difficult or offensive board member.  You might be able to get them arrested if they are doing something illegal or get them committed if they are doing something crazy, but short of that, you'll have to figure out a way to deal with them.

With these E-newsletters, I can only touch the tip of the iceberg. If you want a comprehensive Primer on how to deal with difficult people, there is just such a Primer available on the website . There is a benefit to having access to about 20 pages of pure unadulterated experience in dealing with difficult people. Remember above the mention of developing some simple people skills? This is a very good place to start. This publication teaches how to deal with "Gadflies", "Records Seekers", "Castle Dwellers", and tells you what options are when there are "Bad Board Members" or "Board Chaos", and how to utilize homeowner forum, hearings, IDR and ADR to an advantage.

You may not be aware of it, but you can absolutely cause a pivotal shift in the world around you by understanding how to deal with difficult people, and by making changes in your own behavior and approach.